someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
