So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
