i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
