do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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