So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
