It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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