Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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