I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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