What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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