Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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