PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
