There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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