Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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