he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
