dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
