My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
