oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
