you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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