Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
