i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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