So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
