I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
