when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
