then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
