like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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