was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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