don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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