Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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