But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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