woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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