I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
