So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Sorry my hands just texted you
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I did not marry a roomba.
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