Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
