So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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