My friends, they love my intelligence
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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