Me too!
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
