my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
