Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
