It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
