bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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