Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
