Don't make out with my wife yet
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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