Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
