I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
