I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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