Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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