Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
