where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
