____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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