Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
