your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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